In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Buhtt sex?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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