I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
