I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
