Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
