I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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