Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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