I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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