so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Life is so much better after having sex.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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