i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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