So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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