her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
