I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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