So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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