toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
