it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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