She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
