They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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