If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
