I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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