sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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