I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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