i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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