I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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