its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
