She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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