i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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