You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
