So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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