i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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