Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
