My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
