so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
