the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
