Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
