I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
