.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
