Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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