and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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