Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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