You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
