A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
