I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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