So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
