oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
