I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I wish they made helmets for livers.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
