Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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