why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
