I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
