I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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