You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize