can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
