well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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