You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
