One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
