At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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