; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
