I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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