And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Randomize
