I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
