is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
