thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
